The Biggest Loser
Alexander Litvinenko died a couple weeks ago, in case you missed it. Of course, most of us don't really care. You guessed from the name that he wasn't from around these parts, and the world hasn't stopped spinning since his death, so it probably didn't really get your attention.
Alex was a former Soviet KGB spy. He spent the last several years of his life living in England and loudly denouncing the current Russian government, president Vladimir Putin in particular. Some would call this a dangerous hobby. He probably felt it more of a moral duty, since he was privy to some key incriminating evidence. According to him. But in the final analysis, I'm probably going to stick with dangerous.
And—what do you know—it turns out I'm right. At least it would appear that way. Like I said, he died. And he was probably murdered. I say probably because no one has officially been charged yet, not because there is any doubt. Such confidence is justified, too, because he died from polonium poisoning. And it wasn't just any polonium either. No, it was polonium-210. I'm taking chemistry right now, so I can say with certainty that polonium-210 is an isotope of regular polonium. That's about all I know. So I turned to the BBC. It turns out we all have it in us, but not enough to kill us. It takes a substantial amount to kill a man. Like, the kind of substantial amount that requires nuclear enrichment. Like, in a nuclear reactor. I'm having a hard time blaming an accident.
Of course, there's also the fact that Litty was warned that he was on a Russian hit list—the day he was poisoned. Coincidentally, he also met two Russian operatives that day. They flew directly from and to Moscow. Polonium-210 traces were found on two Russian planes that made the London-Moscow trip. Imagine that.
I feel bad for the victim in this incident.
Poor Putin.
Now, some would say Al was the victim, but I beg to differ. He brought this on himself. If I'm going to pick a fight, I don't think it'd be with the semi-tyrannical former spy who is currently running one of the largest nations in the world. He should have seen this coming. He, of all people knew what Putin was capable of—he was a spy with the same organization as Putin, and he was denouncing Putin for his lack of integrity. That’s a little bit like a declawed housecat making fun of a tiger because it can't take teasing. No, Ally brought this on himself.
But poor Putin had no options. Talk about a lose-lose. Lit's out there badmouthing him. If Putin doesn't act, any reputation he has is destroyed. Those who think he's a great guy may be swayed by 'nenko's rhetoric; those who think he's a super-criminal lose faith in him. Putin's hand was forced.
Now I'm sure some of you are saying Putin could have acted differently. I humbly beg to differ. He couldn't let such vicious slander go unopposed. Allow me to recreate Putin's imaginary, but I think realistic, evaluation of options:
Alex was a former Soviet KGB spy. He spent the last several years of his life living in England and loudly denouncing the current Russian government, president Vladimir Putin in particular. Some would call this a dangerous hobby. He probably felt it more of a moral duty, since he was privy to some key incriminating evidence. According to him. But in the final analysis, I'm probably going to stick with dangerous.
And—what do you know—it turns out I'm right. At least it would appear that way. Like I said, he died. And he was probably murdered. I say probably because no one has officially been charged yet, not because there is any doubt. Such confidence is justified, too, because he died from polonium poisoning. And it wasn't just any polonium either. No, it was polonium-210. I'm taking chemistry right now, so I can say with certainty that polonium-210 is an isotope of regular polonium. That's about all I know. So I turned to the BBC. It turns out we all have it in us, but not enough to kill us. It takes a substantial amount to kill a man. Like, the kind of substantial amount that requires nuclear enrichment. Like, in a nuclear reactor. I'm having a hard time blaming an accident.
Of course, there's also the fact that Litty was warned that he was on a Russian hit list—the day he was poisoned. Coincidentally, he also met two Russian operatives that day. They flew directly from and to Moscow. Polonium-210 traces were found on two Russian planes that made the London-Moscow trip. Imagine that.
I feel bad for the victim in this incident.
Poor Putin.
Now, some would say Al was the victim, but I beg to differ. He brought this on himself. If I'm going to pick a fight, I don't think it'd be with the semi-tyrannical former spy who is currently running one of the largest nations in the world. He should have seen this coming. He, of all people knew what Putin was capable of—he was a spy with the same organization as Putin, and he was denouncing Putin for his lack of integrity. That’s a little bit like a declawed housecat making fun of a tiger because it can't take teasing. No, Ally brought this on himself.
But poor Putin had no options. Talk about a lose-lose. Lit's out there badmouthing him. If Putin doesn't act, any reputation he has is destroyed. Those who think he's a great guy may be swayed by 'nenko's rhetoric; those who think he's a super-criminal lose faith in him. Putin's hand was forced.
Now I'm sure some of you are saying Putin could have acted differently. I humbly beg to differ. He couldn't let such vicious slander go unopposed. Allow me to recreate Putin's imaginary, but I think realistic, evaluation of options:
- Say nuh uh. This is technically an option, but only technically. No one ever believes the accused in these situations. And as the president of a world superpower, I don't really want to start a public tête-a-tête with some loner expatriot.
- Provide evidence to contradict him. Um, about that...
- Admit my faults and reform my ways. If I do that, someone else will take power. It will probably be someone who disagrees with me. Then I'd have to leave the country and slander him. Then he'll kill me.
- Kill the slanderer. Lessest of multiple evils.
